I'm having second thoughts of posting my true- felt thoughts here. Maybe I shouldn't cause' it's rather personal. I just wanna say, you no longer deserve my respect. Not at all. I tried to smile at you the other day and I felt so fake.

I'M DONE WITH MY PRESENTATION BOARD! I'm handing in 3 boards and I'm really proud of it. Of course not forgetting the teachers' help. Honestly speaking, they really helped me alot. If I don't get an A1, SEAB you watch out!! Friday is the dateline and I'm feeling nervous. I think it's because I still have doubts about my journal and stuff. But it'll all be over by this week. *smilezzz*

Today I saw ______ walking away. And I really felt indebted to ______. Really a nice person. Lord please bless her.

DnT is more than halfway there, just got to complete drawings and gnatt chart and i hate doing gnatt chart. But with Chia by my side, i'm more than happy. I seriously love working with him cause he always makes me laugh. Okay la, I laugh practically at everything but he's just hilarious. That's why I simply love DnT lessons. And I really pray for an A1 cuz I really don't want to get just a B3, it's seriously wasted if I get that results. I think I'll just complete my Gnatt chart tomorrow la. I'm feeling super tired now.

School was *boo* cause Maths was screwed up but lunch was the bomb! Sarah and I practically laughed at every random things and people and it was seriously fun. We are simply just kids when we're together and i love that. Went back for dnt after lunch and did orthorgraphic drawings. And am feeling TIRED. gonna sleep. Night you!

Today I went to church for Sarah Lin's birthday surprise and I realized how much I miss church.

The office.
The buildings.
The air- con smell.
The feel of being in Emmanuel.

I really miss them all. And I realized it is there that I'm myself and where I really like myself to be at. Jeremiah came up to me and beat around the bush to ask me back to church. Everything is just so in time. Chew and Seng are planning on returning to church. I'm still at a dilemma. But I know for sure I want to go back church. I just don't know when.

I. saw. Jia. Cheng. today. And surprisingly, my heart didn't skip a beat. Okay well, it maybe did. But my heart was certainly not pumping fast. I texted Best immediately and we were like debating on whether I should say hi. But anyways, I didn't. Half of my mind was thinking "No. I'm a girl." The other half was "Please lor. You want to say hi just do it." But I just can't bring myself to say hi. He's slimmed down though. Not fat anymore:( Not cute. But good job on slimming down. Well if you ever read this. Which I doubt so. I prefer things to stay this way, that you'll always remain special in my heart. Just this would be enough. Nothing more than that.

I didn't sit for chem prelim. Should I get an mc and sit for re-take or should I just forget it? I wanna forget it. Cause I'm not focusing on science for prelims. Okay, I think I'm just gonna take an mc from Dr Tan and sit for a re- take. I feel more at ease this way.

My mum did something significant today. She believed in me. She talks to me. Not like my pop, who always talks to me through my mum, and I've always hated that since young. If you've got something to say, just say it to me. Don't go through a third party, I hate it. Really hate it. And I've realized that I've drifted away from my family. That's a very bad thing. I'll try my best to have dinner with them at least 2 times per week.

Alright, best hasn't confirm with me for mltr eternity tour. :( But I'm still saving. And I've lost some weight. Happiness! And I miss best.

87 days to freedom. Less than a month to intensive.


7 hours of Chemistry. It was good. Thank God man that I could pull through it. If this was in the past, I'd have died on the way. And guess what, I'm thinking if I should study for chem tomorrow. :/

History was screwed up. Maths, I did my best. And because I did my best, I slept during history. Annas best sia! Dropped his pen while sleeping. Mr Sham turned and laughed at him. Evillll! Was waiting for the clock to strike 1.30 and off Nas and I went to sign up for teachers' day concert. Which btw, is gonna be acapella. It's gonna be fun. Just pray that we'll have the guts to perform on that very day.

I miss spending time with you.

School's great and I'm still thinking if I should stay home one month before Os to self- study, cause honestly speaking, I feel useless when I'm in school. It's not as if I'm not studying but it's just the teachers doubting you and predicted that you will not do well for Os. And that really brings me down. But oh well, I'm studying and they can say what they want cause it's their thoughts. I'm just not gonna care about them and do my best for the national exams.

And And And! Nas asked if I wanna join him for Singapore Idol Season 4. I'm really contemplating over this matter cause I always find Idol to be a very unrealistic route to a singing career, especially in Singapore. Local talents aren't doing really well and I always think that once a winner is pronounced, so? Even having a contract doesn't promise you a future. Moreover, I'll have to wait another 2- 3 years for Season 4 to appear. Huh! Happy waiting la.

Okay I got to rush for poa tuition cause I'm meeting Sarah at 0615 and now it's 0604!!

J and I had a talk last night and it was *I don't know how to describe*. I just can't take in the fact that he's just hurting her over and over again. At first I thought it was 2 times and I was thinking of saying some good words for him, but then it was a total of 3 freaking damn times that he broke her heart and I'm just seriously freaking pissed off.

To *you*- You don't know how many damn times she has shed her tears for you in front of me and I'm starting to wonder whether are they worth it after all. You're just a lucky bastard when she's with you. I thought you'll learn your lesson after the first time but you're just taking her for granted. Two times before getting together and now, the third time. Seriously speaking, you're totally not worthy of her. A great girl with such great qualities, she has many more suitors whose qualities are far much better than yours and I'm sure who will give her the love that she deserves and will give up smoking for her, or maybe even more than that. She doesn't deserve this in any form alright! Listen up you ass, I will not hesitate to stand up for her and give you a freaking punch and slap on your gay face to wake your temptation- oriented mind up! You don't deserve her trust and love at all. Good thing that God knows this and you'll so get it on judgment day.

Sometimes I think I'm too sweet as a friend. But I know that too much is never enough. What about those who chose to stay by their loved ones through trails and pain? What about those who never fail to make an effort to light up their special ones' day? What about her, who showed me what agape love really is? We only live once. You might not realized the importance of it but I don't want my life to be gone down the drain when I return to heaven. That's why I make it a point to text best every Sunday night to wish her a great week ahead. Don't matter if she doesn't reply me, I know that she knows my heart and will wish the same for me too. Friends, I have tons of them. But to those who really have a place in my heart, you can count with your fingers and honestly, I really can't live without them. Times with them may be weird, but at least we're making an effort to keep this friendship going and I believe that we will last long. What over is over, give your best to her and she will come round. I believe this is what she believes in when times were tough for her and it really came true for her.

M- A- N- D- Y
All things work together for the good of those who love Him, who has been called according to His purposes.
God has blessed me with special ones who have made me believe in things that I didn't. Now I know, life is all about miracles.




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Yours truly, ♥th.tardd
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